The protocol to start my new drug Gilenya is to go to a medical facility (in my case, an urgent care center in the Valley), pop the pill, and sit around for 6 hours while your heart rate and pulse are monitored to make sure you don’t keel over or die or anything.
Simple, no? First off my appointment is at 10 a.m. Being a prompt sort, my good friend Bella gets me there at 9:45. I fill out paperwork, we chat for a 1/2 hour, then she leaves me there. Then it’s 10:45, then it’s 11:00. Um, hello? My appointment is at 10, what’s up? The monitoring doctor isn’t here yet. Ok….
Now, even though I’m unemployed and honestly have nothing but time on my hands, I still feel that my time is as important as anyone else’s. So I’m starting to get a little grumbly under my breath. “I guess this doctor thinks his time is more valuable than mine….sure! just make me wait!….goddam doctors thing they’re so important…” Somehow I’m drifting into a self righteous ‘get off my lawn’ space and feeling more and more like I’m being singled out and wronged by ‘The Man’ and every other human on the planet. Very pretty and helpful in this situation.
Not surprisingly, I take this attitude right with me when I’m finally called into an exam room. A nice nurse takes my vitals, then says another nurse will be right in to give me an EKG. Just put this ridiculous piece of hard stiff fabric that covers nothing of your body on and sit here in the freezing air conditioner for a minute, he says. 10 more minutes go by and I start frothing at the mouth. I am getting pissed! I’ve thrown off the stupid paper shorty gown top, I’m half naked in a sweater and getting madder than a wet hen by the minute.
In comes the doctor and the first words out of my mouth are, “My appointment was at 10. I’m usually a very chill person (obviously) and I’m sorry to be such a bitch but I’m tired of sitting around waiting on you people..blah, blah, blah”. The doctor is unfazed. I’m assuming since this is an urgent care facility she’s used to dealing with people who are a) hungry and b) scared ~ which I finally realize are both true regarding me.
I calm down, get dressed, and pop the pill at 11:20. I’m escorted into a quasi storage room with a big chair in it and then monitored every 1/2 hour for blood pressure and pulse. I finish watching Behind the Candelabra; the movie Birdman (did it really win an Academy Award?); and 8 or so episodes of Seinfeld.
The plan is for Anna to pick me up on her way home from a relaxing weekend in Monterey. The timing was perfect! She got there right at 4:30, but since I’d started late, we had an hour to kill which we did visiting and eating potato chips. At 5:30 I get another EKG and the news from the doctor that she wants to ‘hold me over’ because all my pressures are low.
Drat. I’m kind to the doctor now and being all cooperative and trite because I’ve been such a bitch at the beginning and feeling guilty. She seems to be just going along with her day and harboring no resentment towards me and the time passes and finally at 7:30 I’m released.
On the way out, we stop at the desk to ask her some questions about this super heavy duty, heart beat lowering, ‘we’re not sure how it works’ medication. It goes like this:
Me: “Since I took my first dose today at 11:30, can I take it tomorrow at 10?” Dr. C: “Meh” with a shrug.
Me: “Should I stay home tomorrow and rest, or should I go into the store so Anna can keep an eye on me?” Dr C: “Yes”. Me: “Yes, I should stay home? Or yes I should go to the store?” Dr. C: “Yes”.
Anna: “If she starts to feel dizzy or strange, is that normal? Or should she go to urgent care?” Dr C: “Meh”, again with the shrug. Then she says, “You might feel faint, have chest pains or be dizzy.” Anna and me: “and…?” Dr C : “Meh”.
It was just bizarre. At this point, we can’t wait to leave so we just high tail it out of there and figure we’ll sort everything out as it comes along. Poor Anna, this is how she ends a holiday weekend? I take her out for some dinner, since all we’ve had since 4:30 is a small bag of potato chips, which we split. We go to one of our usual places and when I ask her how her dinner is? She just shrugs and said, “Meh.”