God’s Gift

About 6 months ago, I took the plunge and opted out of taking Valium for muscle spasms and spasticity. Instead, I drove down to some cheesy strip mall in Tujunga and met with Dr. G to get a medical marijuana recommendation. Dr G. had an office with a metal desk, a banquet table style chair and a poster outlining various types of weed on his wall. No fancy mahogany bookshelves filled with medical tomes or plush persian carpets here. This had more of a school cafeteria vibe. I expected a bag of cheetos, a jello cup and a carton of milk, but no. This was all business. I think.

I had brought reams of medical records, SSDI approval stuff and lists of prescriptions. As it turned out, I could have saved the effort of gathering these documents up and hauling them upstairs. It went something like this:

Me:”I have MS.”
Dr. G: “ok, ever used weed before?”
Me: “Not since the 8th grade.”
Dr. G: “It’s a lot stronger than it used to be. Be careful.”
Me: “Got it.”
Dr. G: “Here’s your card.”

Conveniently enough, a few doors and many strong odors down the corridor was a dispensary. I held my breathe, registered and was buzzed through two security doors into what was probably once meant to be an insurance office. An old beat up leather couch, two display counters, some apothecary jars and the apparently requisite “types of weed” poster adorning the wall completed the decor. In the display counter were 10 or so pathetic looking gummy squares and a few chocolate bars.

I explained my situation to a scruffy and bearded young man in a t-shirt:

Me:”I have MS.”
Dispensary Guy: “ok, ever used weed before?”
Me: “Not since the 8th grade.”
Dispensary Guy: “It’s a lot stronger than it used to be. Be careful.”
Me: “Got it.”
Dispensary Guy: “Here, try this.”

I further explained that I wanted the effect on my body, but not my head. To his credit, he gave me a list of things I might want to try, with exotic names such as Bubba Kush, Golden Goat, Strawberry Diesel and Grape Ape . He said they only carried weed for people who wanted to get really high, but gave me a referral to a place in West LA that looked like a Tiffany’s showroom in the picture online.

I ended up with a mint chocolate candy bar and some gummy squares. Each item was marked “intensely potent” and consisted of marked doses. Suffice it to say, things HAVE changed since the 8th grade when pot was like lawn clippings. I took the 6 dose candy bar and used each square for about 16 doses. I nibble just the tiniest amount only a few nights a week as needed. Cheaper and healthier than Valium, I’ve been good to go and happy with the results.

When I found that I was on my last little chunk I decided to go get another chocolate bar to tide me over through the next 6 months. Not wanting to brave the freeways, I thought I’d skip the West LA Tiffany-esque store, and just go back to my little dispensary in Tujunga. Shop local and all that.

First thing I did: Over shoot the driveway. Second thing: Smash BANG into the curb trying to correct. Third thing: Notice that hub cap on the sidewalk looked painfully familiar. Fourth thing: Cuss like a sailor when I see the front wheel of my car.

Since I’m there already, I go upstairs, grab a chocolate bar, pocket the free “nugget” of God’s Gift and a pipe that “Dr. Meg” gives me to try and high tail back to my poor car. I attempt to drive back home but the car wheel goes entirely flat. When the AAA kid asks me what happened and where I’m coming from, I tell him. He gets kind of wide eyed and say’s “Wow lady, I’ve never had a customer tell me they were coming from the weed store before!” Go ahead and insert the word “old” in front of lady ~ that’s what he was doing.

To be honest, the whole episode left me a little frazzled. I came home and thought about dinner. Always a soothing activity. A lovely piece of wild caught salmon was in the fridge, and I found a good marinade to try. First order of business, zest a lemon! I couldn’t find my zester, so grabbed a super sharp vegetable peeler to get some slim slices off the lemon.

I’m not going to spell it out for you. Lemon. Vege peeler. Remember to peel AWAY from your ┬áknuckle…..

It’s now almost 6:00 p.m. and it’s proven to be a long day. I have a big ‘ol bandage wrapped around my thumb, the salmon is marinating, I managed to cut up the veges with all fingers intact and I just poured a much needed and deserved glass of wine. God’s gift, indeed.



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